Thursday

Since Maddie was happily visiting a friend, and since this was day two of a sleepover for the boys, I asked them what they'd like to do.

To lunch! at a favorite place.

Then to the toy store! for scoping the Collectibles.

While Trevelyn has quite a collection of Monsters these days, his consist of Pacific Rim and Godzilla.... while Cass prefers all things Alien. 
Most of Trev's have to be ordered from Japan (made by S.H.MonsterArts), but once in a while, we can get appealing pieces in local shops.
It works for him, as he rides his bike to the toy store several times a week to see what's happening on the shelves.  ♥

To the aquarium,

 baby penguins!

and to the museum.

At almost every museum (that has to do with paleontology), Trevelyn can (and will) point out an inaccuracy.

This time, it was this Utahraptor..."Nope.  It's wrong.  It's hands actually go the other way -facing each other- and I believe its skull is shaped differently.  And of course it was covered in feathers."
Of course it makes me smile.

As we often do, we called his dad to see if we could come get take-out... yes!
Through a mistake, we ended up with two pizzas that we didn't order, so we took them over a few blocks to give them away to folks who could use them.
Which naturally aroused a conversation of why and how people come to live on the streets, how our city is housing the homeless (and is on track to have no more chronically homeless by 2016), and what we personally can and should do to help.
Most excellent.

Home again, home again (aren't we lucky)
jiggety jig.

All is well.

shine on

I'm not even sure how to begin the telling of our day.

Maybe with my first noticings.... Maddie wasn't feeling very well. 
Her front tooth has been loose (more loose) the last few days, and on this particular day it was causing tears.  She was totally out of sorts.  Scared, anxious, in pain... almost completely undone.
My thoughts on it were, "Aah.... lots more extra love today.  How wonderful."

It's been very interesting, this shift within me.  I've moved (er... am moving) from a regular place of "I'm just not good enough at this" to, "Wow.  Look how well I'm handling this, and how quickly I'm able to pause, and shift into a soft and loving place."
(All part of that Balance thing.  More on that, still, later.)

So when she was feeling better, she wanted to build.
"Can I build with you?" I asked.

 

Spider

Drums

It was here at the table that the day took on another sort of shine.

For some reason, Trevelyn started talking about a young kid on youtube who likes to talk about his beliefs about the rightful (righteous, maybe?) unfairness of gay rights.  Particularly marriage.

Trev then preceded to lecture us on how wrong this was.  Eric and I listened for a long time, and naturally we put in our own observances and beliefs into the conversation.

I was so happy to hear his arguments and observations... he might not have a keen understanding of a lot of the problems and challenges that gay relationships face (he's ten, after all), but he has a very definite understanding of fairness and respect for humanity.

As conversations do, this one evolved to talking about behaviors and tendencies in animals, and then human evolution....

Soon he was quite done with that topic and moved onto oil drilling in the ocean. 

(And how he doesn't like it.)

I was curious to what his opinions were, so I started asking questions.  

(These were very slow-moving games, with all this talkin' we were doing.)

"Why not ocean drilling?"

Oil spills, harmful to the environment...

"What about on land?  Doesn't it harm the land, too?"
He talked about that for a minute or two, then, "Well... if we didn't have oil, wouldn't we just be forced to have only electric cars?  To find other ways to do things?"

:)  Yup.  We would.
"What other ways are there?"  I asked.

And so it went.

Evidently he had some talking to do, for soon he moved on to "Bot Flies".

"What are bot flies?" I asked.

And then the Hell Creek Formation in Montana (cretaceous rock).

I was thoroughly loving this Beingness.

A few days ago we received our game Professor Noggin's History of the United States that we won from Jessica at Only Small Things.  I had briefly looked at it, but we'd been sick, and hadn't gotten it out yet.
I had thought earlier that day that it might be nice to play it, as I am wise enough to know that even though the game wasn't something we'd normally  pick out for ourselves, or something we necessarily specialize in, it might spark interesting conversations.

So we asked Eric to sit down with us (I figured we needed him, as we needed someone to win), and we began our history game.

"American History", I said of the game.
"Adolf Hitler was a soldier in the first world war," Trev began (did he see a card with Hitler on it?)...
"World War II, Bud," interrupted his Dad.
Irritated glance at Dad, then, "Adolf Hitler was a soldier in War World I," he reiterated, "And then the leader of the Third Reich in War World II, from 1933 to 1945."
"I can see quite clearly that I am going to lose," I said happily.

"What did the Suffragettes fight for?" to Trev.
"I don't know."
"Think about this, Bud.  The mother in Mary Poppins is a suffragette.  What did she believe in?"
"Votes for women!"  (Granted, that one needed a little prompting, but I was so completely impressed at this point that it mattered not.)

I posed a question to Eric about Custer.... don't remember what it was, and, "Do you mean James C. Custer?"  asked Trev.  "He was known for his many, many small wars against the Native Americans."
Heh.
A few pilgrimage, early U.S. questions, and "How did the Native Americans get to the United States in the first place?" Trev wanted to know.
"The Berring Strait," answered his Dad, and so went the next topic of conversation.

Conversation, led by the game, went back into human evolution and then into dust bowls and droughts in the mid-west during and contributing to the Great Depression, among other things....

Trev won the game.

What a wonderful gift those few hours were.
Not only did I get to spend a long while completely enchanted with my child, but I was pushed in front of the mirror, and came face to face with doubts and values regarding how we learn.  Even though I hadn't been asking.

No doubt there will be more on that in the coming days....  :)

Life is surprising.
And amazing.
And good.

Checking In : Interview with an Unschooled Boy

I've been doing lots of assessing lately.... asking questions like How can I love you better?, and if you could describe a perfect day... how would it go?

I've mentioned lots of times over the years that I've had to do some serious soul-searching when it comes to unschooling Trevelyn. I've had to ask some really hard questions about what is coercion, and what is just tickling a little crab, and trying to entice him (or at least his legs) out of of his shell.
Was I justifying my manipulations?
Was I being too willing to tempt or lure or coax or bully (God forbid) this little son of mine out of his comfort zone -or complacency- in the name of "But afterwards, he was so glad we did!!"
Which was true. I can't remember once that he's been sorry that I ever asked. I only ask him to play at what I think he'll genuinely enjoy. But still.
So, so hard, my Friends. My biggest challenge, I think.

Finally, a little over a year ago, I came to a Certain Understanding. An understanding that my son was a lot like my husband. Grumbly. And particularly subject to Newton's laws of physics.
And I came to an understanding that I needed to remember Rule #6. Often.

But over the last couple of weeks, things have looked quite different.
"Trev... wanna come play?"
"Sure, Mom!"
Wait. What?
"I have these crystals that Maddie and I got out... interested? I have amethyst geodes... Maddie wants pink quartz... I have aquamarine..."
"Sure. I'll give aquamarine a try."
"Check out this video." Solar bag. "Wanna go to the park and try it? (Pre-breakfast, he was still in bed.) "We'd need to leave now, as it needs to still be cool outside..."
"Yeah. Let's go."
(These are but a few of the latest examples.)
Picture me with my eyes popping out of my head.
At first.
And then, naturally, me being me, and the sometimes insecure paranoid that I am, I start thinking.
Wait. Why is he being so willing? And Oh, my God, have I bullied him into being agreeable with me?
So... I started asking.
Because asking is one thing that I do get right.

"So. Um... I've been wondering why you've been so willing to play and venture with me, without grumbling first, lately."
"What do you mean?"
"Well... ahem...
"When I ask if you wanna play, or do this, you don't fuss at me. At all. Not even a little. You just say sure, and then we play. I'm wondering why. What's different."
After a couple of days of this, it finally got down to,
"I've just realized that I have lots of time for those things. I have plenty of time for computer play, or games, and they're not going anywhere. That other things are fun to do, too. It's cool to have lots of interesting things in my life."
Which is funny, as it's more of a response that you'd expect to hear from a kid who's been in school, not a kid who has lived with this freedom his whole life... but I think it speaks for his maturity, and aging. I think it's a matter of his recognizing that it's not just 'that very thing' that matters.... that it isn't as if he's never going to get another chance to play Pokemon on the pc. I think he's coming into a security and groove in his life... that he thinks of it as something that's here to stay, and something to be filled up with lots of interesting things.
Interesting, to me.

And inspiration for another, extended, Interview.
Also today.
Me. Facing my F'n demons.


* * *

What do you like most about your life?
I love everything equally, honestly.
Like what?
Video games. Our tramp and our pool and my bike. You and Dad in general. The stuff we do together. I also like my computers. And I like our backyard. And going on adventures, too. Going places.

What things would you change in your life?
Maddie's dairy allergy. 'Cause I feel sorry for Maddie. So I'd definitely fix that.
What else would you change?
I'd change how much those frickin' berries fall from that tree right there. I'd change it so that they all fell at the same time, and we could clean off the patio, and not have to do it, again.

What else? Don't worry about offending me, Babe. 'Cause the whole reason for this is for me to think about how I can make your life better.
One thing is that I want you to ask me when you want to play Mario Kart.
Because you do like to play with me, or you don't?
I do like to play with you.
But you want me to ask you to play?
Yeah. When you want to.
Okay. Noted.

What else?
Even if I wake up at twelve o'clock... please don't ask me to play games and stuff before I've even had breakfast. I can't play on an empty stomach. Okay?
:) Okay. (I think I only did that once, a couple of weeks ago... he was still sleeping at one o'clock! :) oof.)

Is there anything in your life that you wish you never had to see or do again? Anything we need to talk about? Anything that makes you unhappy?
I'm gonna talk about the stuff outside of our normal life for a minute. One thing I never, never want to do again is to be in a wedding and wear a tux that was way too small for me. That wedding scarred me for life.
Evidently. He was four, I'm thinkin'.

Is there anything in our daily life that you hate?
One thing that I deeply despise are those damned fruits.
Got it. We've already talked about the fruit... I'm talking about.... I mean in our unschooling, Bud.
There's nothing in that I deeply despise.
Is there anything you dislike?
Not really, no.
Nothing? You don't want to not play games, or anything?
No. Why would I want to not ever play games again? That's silly.

Is there anything you feel like we do too much of?
No.
You don't feel like I ask us to play thinking games or go on adventures too much?
No.
Is there anything? That you feel like "I wish we didn't have to do that so much".
No.

Not enough? Is there anything that you'd like to do more of?
One issue for you is that I feel like you don't jump on the tramp enough. So you jumping more often would be nice.
Okay. What else? Anything else? Do you feel like we don't socialize enough?
No. We socialize enough, if you ask me.

What does socializing mean?
Being with other people. Hanging around with other people.
And you feel like we do that enough?
I'd say so, Yes.

What does unschooling mean, do you think?
Well... I'm going to go into great detail with this....
Now. Unschooling in most people's minds is when you are allowed to freely do what you want to do, and as the name probably suggests, you don't have to go to school.
Now. That means there are no teachers, unlike homeschooling, where your parents are your teachers. In unschooling you teach yourself, and you learn about what you want to learn about.
You're free to do what you want to do. You can run around and play baseball. You can play on your pc or on your wii or xbox 360." I should mention that we don't have an xbox360. "You can also watch television when you want, or hang out with your friend at the local skatepark. Or do some mountain biking in the great outdoors when you want to.

So that's what unschooling means? You can learn about and do what you want, when you want?
Yeah.

So is all you ever want to do is watch tv and play on your pc?
No.
How come?
Because there's simply other things to do in life. There's things other than playing on the computer. And watching television, of course. There are other important things. Like your body weight. And foods. And your diet. And there are things that are more fun than simply your pc- and xbox-life and television. Such as playing baseball. And swimming in your pool. And also you can jump on your trampoline. If you have a trampoline, that is.

Does unschooling look different from the rest of your life?
I consider every second of my life to be unschooling.

Is there anything you'd like to change about it?
No.

What do unschoolers do every day?
Nobody does the exact same things. It really depends. On what you want to do.

Right. But what kinds of things do you do?
Unschoolers can do whatever they want, whenever they want. Go to the swimming pool. Go to the beach. Take a forest trip. Ride bikes, go to the skate park, go to museums, go bowling, do science experiments, go to the arcade... ooh! I almost forgot. They can pack up some of their allowance and go the candy store whenever they want.

What is a great, regular-sort-of-day at your house?
I like to go to 7-11 for a slurpee. I like going to Classic. (Our skating/scooting, bounce house, arcade, climbing Kids Paradise.) I like playing games with you. I like going to the park or to the skate park.
What games do you like to play?
Mostly I like Totally Tu- [cuts himself off] the pyramid game, Exago, and Mancala. And Mammoth Hunt.
Do you like Nim?
Yeah. I like Nim.
Are there any of our games that you don't like?
Not really. I don't like that we didn't play the Pirate game for a long while, but then we finally did. And I don't like that you don't like Twister. That's a fun game.

Do you think Unschooling is a good idea?
Yes.
Because?
I prefer it over going to an elementary school. Because of the things said in the interview.
Do you think it's a viable way of learning? Do kids really learn?
Yes.
Why do they learn?
Sometimes they learn things to use it to their advantage-- sometimes they're learning things like math and spelling because they know if they learn these things they'll grow up to be good people.
So learning spelling and math makes you a good person?
It will help you to conquer... to learn your job properly and spell properly. That's why kids learn things like that. But, if they learn things like how to play a video game, a certain video game, or learning bowling or baseball, then it's something they like to learn because it's fun. And they give it a chance.

So... is there a difference between learning spelling and learning bowling? In how you learn it? How are you learning to spell?
Learning spelling is like learning something because it's a part of life. While bowling and baseball are also a part of life... but it's a part of life that's fun and gives it a little bounce.

So how are you learning spelling? Do you have spelling tests?
No. I just sort of learn it.
Are you good at spelling?
Yes.
(Which is true. He's never had a spelling quiz, and never once have I asked him how to spell something. He spells well because he reads often.)

Do you think that kids really do learn with unschooling? Even without tests and sitting down to lessons?
Mmhmm.

What advice would you give to parents who say that all their kids would do is watch tv, or play video games?
"Parents, you might be thinking that, because you're not paying enough attention to your kids.
The reason why you may be having trouble is you probably need to pay attention to your kids. You need to see if they're having a happy life. If not, try to do anything that makes them happy. Try to make them happy. Try to be a loving parent and make them happy, and you'll have have a good life with your kids."

* * *

Well....

Well.

I got nothin' more.

Oh--wait. 'Cept this. From Trev. I've read this to him to verify its accuracy, and he insists on the following:
"Alright. Now that's all I have to say. All those in favor of Unschooling, or are in favor of becoming Unschoolers, say 'Aye'!
Alright. That's it. I'm done. This is Trevelyn Eric _______, saying 'Have a nice day'."
:)
Over and out.

Friday : Thirteen Feet Deep

Welp.
There we go.





Another example of what "just playin'" can amount to, I guess.

Plans

a donkey pinata
(traditional, he says. he wants traditional.)

pizza

pretzels

carrots

cucumbers

apples

chips

cheese an' crackers

swimming

volleyball

baseball

capture the flag

an obstacle course

a dance party

diving sticks

soda can bowling

Sierra Mist

water balloons

campfire

and a barbecue.

"And streamers. And party hats. I want party hats."

"And a biiig banner that says "HAPPY BIRTHDAY TREVELYN!!"

Okay. I'll do my best. :)
I love him so.

Thursday. At 8175 feet.

What a day.
:).
It goes like that sometimes.

"Madd... I wanna make a tutorial for those flower bracelets... wanna help me? They're so cool!"
So we worked on that.


"Trev," says his Mama, while Maddie and Daddy were getting ready to head up the mountain, "are you sure you don't wanna go skiing? We'll probably have fun if we go with them...."

Eventually (before it was time to head out the door) he said yes.

So we got our visitor Stanley all ready for a trip mountainside, too.


Getting ready to go skiing is often a slow and meandering process, with time-warp grueling moments moving backwards, but after the initial first few minutes of chaos and sticking gloves and pinching goggles and skiwampus boots and getting ready (and getting gear at the ski shop)...


It was magic.
Sheer magic.


As in - Trev comes all the way down the mountain all by himself. Without falling. Without cursing. Without getting hurt.
And as soon as he gets down, he's heading -independently- onto the ski lift completely by himself with his dad nowhere even in sight.


Dude.

And so it went.







Run after run after run.
Sans breaks,
sans curses and complaints,
just
snow and mountain magic.




I'm soooo happy for them!
What an amazing thing, getting to witness your child's empowerment.

On the way home we showed Stanley where the mountain goats play this time of year,

and then once home we were all for supper

and quiet, restful play.

Certainly, that will do.

what? a funny

Mama finishes gluing together the toy. For the second time in the last few minutes.
"I'm getting in the shower. Don't touch the toys. Don't touch them, don't move them, (half teasing) don't even look at them... check?"
I hear Trevelyn talking in the other room, but I'm not really listening. "Force" I hear, and "contact"... "Right, Mom?"
"I don't know know, I wasn't listening. I just know that if you look at them you will be tempted to touch them."
"That's what I said. I said 'Not to make eye contact because that will force the participant by the emotions to make physical contact.' Only I was more scientific about it."
Right.

a boy's life

"The problem is that I feel like a geek, when I use scientific words. I feel like a complete geek," he laments with terrible seriousness.
"But whenever I say normal words, it's totally Captain Obvious."
Poor Trevy. :)

Posted with Trevelyn's permission. Because I'm gonna make him a celebrity, in a few years (according to him). :)

tuesday : droppin' in

Well - our children took the plunge.
Not a big deal for Trev on his bike (we'll be taking his board next time, he says),
but just imagine standing at the top of the ramp with one foot on solid flat ground, and your other foot precariously sitting on your scoot.
You're front wheel is already facing down, and you have to let go,
and then hurry and put your full weight on board while you're already moving pretty dang fast downhill.
Droppin' in is a very big deal.

They consider themselves Official Members of the skatepark, now.